Abby Advice: Husband turns into drug addict

DEAR ABBY >> My husband and I have been married for three years, together for eight. We have two kids together. Over the last year, he has changed a lot and has treated me very badly. He’s always frustrated with me, accusing me of not caring about him. He puts me down by saying I think I’m a good person but that I’m not.

I noticed the changes in him and suspected he might be having an affair or using drugs. It turns out that he has been using drugs. He had a great job, which he quit after he refused a drug screen. He has been moved out for a little over a week now and hasn’t even asked about the kids. Do you think this is grounds for a divorce, or should I try to help him?

— Addict’s Wife in Texas

DEAR WIFE >> Is your husband still jobless? Has he told you that he loves you and wants to come back? Is he willing to join a support group and get help for his addiction? If the answers are no, then please realize that the only person responsible for overcoming his addiction is himself, not you.  And yes, I think this may be grounds for divorce — unless you want those children living under the same roof with a verbally abusive drug addict who shows no interest in them.

DEAR ABBY >> I love my father, but I’m sick of trying so hard with him. When we used to spend time together, he would ignore me if I spoke but respond if my husband said the same thing right after me. If he did act like he heard me, he’d just grunt or act disinterested in what I said.

Now, if I try to contact him, he doesn’t answer my calls or texts. If I don’t contact him, he tells everyone I “never call” and that I keep my kids from seeing him. Lately, he has been spreading a rumor that I went into his house and stole family items. His house has an alarm and stays locked up. (I also live several hundred miles away.) I’m tired of the emotional anguish and games. My mom, who divorced him decades ago, wants me to keep trying because she cherished her relationship with her own now deceased father so much. Do I honor my mother and keep trying? Or let my mother know I refuse to be abused this way? — Can’t Win in Tennessee

DEAR CAN’T WIN >> Your mother was smart enough to get away from your father, whose behavior is abusive. Explain to her (it’s surprising she hasn’t already noticed) that your relationship with him is diametrically opposed to the one she enjoyed with her own father 2/6/24, and it certainly won’t benefit your children to see you treated the way he has been treating you. So if you’re asking my permission to keep your distance from your father, you have it.

Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com

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